Read This Before Quitting!

Let me ask you a question, “leader to leader” …

How are you doing?

You may reply, “Fine Dave, I’m doing great,” or “Living the dream, man.”

But what if I dug a little deeper and asked again, “How are you REALLY doing?

If you are honest, you may admit, “You’re not doing great, and the dream you’re living has turned into a nightmare”.

If you’re really honest, you may even confess you are feeling:

1. Distant from God; like your spiritual tank is empty.
2. Numb, burnt out, and asking if you have anything else left to give in ministry.
3. Tired of disappointng those that depend on you.
4. Hopeless that you can’t keep up with all your church’s demands.
5. And finally, you are thinking about quitting altogether.

But what if I told you you’re not alone in feeling this way?

So many church leaders are experiencing these same feelings you are around the world today.

And it breaks my heart! 

That is why I wrote a church leadership fable called, “Six Golden Questions – One Pastor’s Journey of Almost Quitting”.

I believe all church leaders can “Thrive in Ministry …Without Losing Themselves in the Process”.

I believe that with these “Six Golden Questions”, any church leader can live the life God has called them to with renewed hope.

So, I wanted to share the first two chapters for FREE to show you there is “Hope Around the Corner”:

How It Began

As Matt sits nervously in the coffee shop, he wonders if this is such a good idea. Any pastor knows that laying out your dirty laundry to another person can be a disaster waiting to happen, especially if that person is another pastor. In that moment of regret, Matt stands to run for the door, but as he begins to move an elderly man walks through the entrance. Matt freezes as Pastor Steve looks around to find the young man he is supposed to be meeting.

Maybe I can slip out before he notices me, Matt thinks, but before he has time to take a step, Pastor Steve walks up to him and asks, “Matt Davis?” 

“Yes, that’s me,” Matt says hoping the retired pastor doesn’t see his keys nervously dangling from his right hand.

Matt invites Pastor Steve to sit down and goes to buy him a coffee. On his way to order their drinks, Matt tries to catch his breath and relax. After returning with the hot brew, Pastor Steve tells Matt how honored and thrilled he was to get his call. 

“I was a pastor for fifty years and have a wealth of experience and knowledge to share, but it seems more and more young pastors are not asking for it anymore,” Pastor Steve says. “So, how can I help?”

Matt takes a deep breath, swallows hard, and starts with these fatal words: “I think I’m done with pastoring.” Wow, did he just say that? But before he can answer himself, his mouth starts moving again. “I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel numb, burnt out, and sad. My relationship with God seems distant, my wife and kids are disappointed all the time, and my church seems to demand more and more. I feel the best thing to do is just quit. I have nothing else to give. I’m only four years into my calling, and I don’t think I can take another step.”

As Matt finishes, he’s amazed at how much he’s shared. It seems like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and he waits nervously for Pastor Steve’s reply. But to Matt’s surprise, Pastor Steve just looks at him as only a father can with eyes of comfort and love. The next thing that comes out of his mouth utterly shocks Matt.

“I completely understand, Matt. Actually, I went through some of the same things many years ago myself.”

Matt is floored. After picking his jaw off the table, he asked, “Pastor Steve, how is that possible? You are one of the most honored and accomplished pastors I know. You’ve planted multiple churches, preached the gospel overseas, led conferences teaching other leaders, and still help out at your current church as a volunteer.” 

At this Pastor Steve continues. 

“Yes Matt, I have done all those things, but early on as a young man, I almost quit the ministry altogether. As I remember it, I was around your age when I found myself writing my resignation letter to my church. I can still remember the tears that rolled down my face as I typed it out that day. Feelings of defeat, anger, burnout, doubt, and depression filled my mind. Had I made a mistake in entering the ministry? Had God even called me to pastor at all? 

I found myself spiritually empty, not the husband or father I wanted to be, and dreading going to the church to work. I was really a mess.”

Matt sits there stunned. Five minutes ago he thought he was the only one that felt this way, and now he is holding tight to every word Pastor Steve says. Everything he said resonated so deeply with Matt as if he was talking to his own reflection in the mirror. He feels himself lean in to hear every word.

“Matt, can I tell you the really weird part about my situation? As I felt hopeless and burnt out, my church was thriving like never before. People were getting saved, attendance was growing, and we were having to hire more staff to help facilitate it.

“But despite all the right things happening in my church, I had come to the end of my rope. I felt empty in every area of my life, and I didn’t know why. My quiet time with God was only a routine I did, my wife and daughter were coming close to resenting the ministry, and I dreaded going into the church office every morning. I can even remember calling in sick a few days to just stay in bed and escape the world I had created. But let’s get back to the day I was ready to resign …

“As I sat there thinking about what to write next in my resignation letter I did something I never thought I would. I stopped typing the letter and started dialing a number I hadn’t dialed in a long time. The number belonged to my old pastor I grew up with. Our churches were just a couple of towns away from each other. To be honest with you, it still amazes me that I did it. The church I grew up in wasn’t big, the programs were dated, and I remember early on in ministry thinking I didn’t need his help as I had surpassed him in my ministry success. But at that moment I remembered my old pastor had something I didn’t have. Something I desperately wanted: longevity in ministry that spanned over 40 years in the same church, a marriage of 45 years to his wife, and a great relationship with his kids who were grown but still helped at his church. On top of that, I didn’t recall him ever complaining, seeming depressed, or not being full of joy.

“As he answered the phone, I described through tears how I felt much like you are today, and we agreed to meet up once a month to talk things through and help me recover what I had lost. Over the next several months my old pastor began to ask me, what he called, ‘Golden Questions.’ Matt, I truly believe those meetings saved me and I wouldn’t be here today without them. If you want, I would be glad to share those same questions with you?”

Matt had already opened his iPhone calendar while Pastor Steve was still talking. This was an answer to prayer and a lifeline he wasn’t going to pass up. After discussing more and finishing their coffee, they agreed to meet in the same coffee shop every month if Matt would have a caramel latte waiting for Pastor Steve when he arrived. They would start next week.

As Matt got back into his car to drive back to his church, he started to feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time. The feeling of hope.

The First Question: “Have You Made An Appointment With God”

Luke 5:16 – But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

The next week couldn’t come fast enough for Matt. He got to the coffee shop thirty minutes early and had Pastor Steve’s preferred drink waiting. This time, as the elderly man walked in the door, Matt didn’t think of running but stood up and waved proudly.

Pastor Steve sat down, picked up the latte and, after smelling its sweet caramel aroma, took his first sip. “Ah … that never gets old.”

Matt was amazed at how relaxed and in the moment the retired pastor seemed to be. Matt’s day had been anything but. He started with the intent of spending time with God, but as soon as he opened his Bible his cell phone began screaming at him with notification after notification. It sounded like bombs dropping every time he would get settled in to read. This wasn’t anything new. It seemed like Matt was always interrupted these days with calls, voicemails, texts, social media notifications, and people needing him right now. 

He often wondered how he could be a pastor without personal time with God, but these moments had grown further and further apart as his church duties had increased year after year. Matt felt the weight of the day pressing down on his shoulders before it had even begun. As he closed his Bible and counted another morning with God a loss, he felt the sad truth that he had gotten used to leading on spiritually empty.

Pastor Steve, after taking another sip, asked Matt how his day was going. It didn’t take Matt long to tell him he felt like he was running on an empty tank, but that was just how ministry was, right?

Pastor Steve looked at Matt with love in his eyes. “I think you’re ready for the first question.” 

Matt sat back on his green-cushioned chair and listened intently.

The old man looked out the coffee shop window as a smile of remembrance came across his face. “I can remember it well. I too felt the same way you do the first time I met my old pastor. Actually, I remember that I almost canceled the meeting because I felt so overwhelmed. It seemed like I was getting pulled in every direction with no stop in sight. My ministry was going on all cylinders, but something didn’t feel right.”

Matt immediately identified with that feeling as he had felt the same emptiness for a while now.

“After we greeted one another and I explained to him how I was feeling empty inside like something was missing, my old pastor asked me a question that really confused me. It was a simple question, but I had never heard it before. He asked, ‘When was the last time you made an appointment with God?’ The question caught me off-guard and he must have noticed the confusion on my face. With a big smile, he continued, ‘Let me rephrase the question … when’s the last time you put time with God on your calendar? We put all other appointments on our calendars with reminders so we don’t forget, but we never think of our alone time with God as an actual appointment, when really, it is the most important appointment of our day.’ I have to admit I’d never even thought of such a great revelation. I mean this small church pastor, who didn’t have half my education, had just showed me so much wisdom in one question.

“In that first meeting Matt, I came to realize that I had put more importance on the ministry than on my own relationship with God. At that moment I found myself reaching down to find my calendar, which was stuffed between some books I was reading. I opened it and realized my days were filled with appointments I wouldn’t dare miss, but God’s name wasn’t anywhere to be found. I had put my focus on everything but God Himself.”

Matt sat there dazed. He never even thought of this before. He was so into his thoughts that it took Pastor Steve saying his name to bring him back to the conversation.

“So Matt, let me ask you the same question: When was the last time you made an appointment with God? Is God on your calendar?

“See Matt, God cares more about you and your relationship with Him than He ever will about your ministry. Now, I know that can seem shocking, but it’s true. Just think, which came first; your relationship with God or your call to ministry?”  

Matt, of course, knew the answer. 

Pastor Steve continued, “A lot of pastors separate the two into two different seasons in their lives. They can remember when they asked Christ into their hearts and how they grew in a relationship with Him right up until they got their first church. Then the season of ministry starts and they think they can live on those previous years of daily time with God while they minister to others. They open the Bible only when a sermon is needed. They pray for others but rarely set time aside for God and themselves. I’ve seen this kind of thinking destroy so many pastors, and Matt, I was almost one of them.

“The first lesson I want to share with you is that your own relationship with God has to be the number one focus throughout your life. It has to come before any other goal, vision, or ministry you’re called to. Only then will you start seeing a difference in everything around you. This question changed every aspect of my life and ministry, and it can do the same for you.”

Pastor Steve had to run to a doctor’s appointment, but Matt couldn’t help but sit in awe at what he had just learned. Had ministry really taken first place over his own relationship with God? Was he living in this “second season” Pastor Steve had talked about? 

After finishing his cup of coffee and thinking over this first question, Matt pulled out his iPhone from his front right pocket. After opening the calendar app, he added “GOD TIME” at 6 a.m. and set it to repeat daily with a reminder. 

Call to Action:

If these first two chapters have sparked a feeling of “hope” that you are not alone and God has a healthy future for you, invest in yourself by reading the rest.

I’m Cheering You On!