How To Deal With Loneliness In Ministry

Have you ever felt the loneliness that comes with being in the ministry?

Standing in a crowded room, but feeling alone inside … 

Listening to others tell you about their problems, but feeling like you have no one to talk to … 

Feeling like you’re living on an island by yourself as you go where God has called you …

The truth is more and more church leaders are struggling with feelings of loneliness.

According to Lifeway Research, “half of pastors say they are often or frequently lonely.”

So, if loneliness is affecting so many of us, how do we learn to deal with it?

First, let’s discuss why we, as church leaders, struggle with loneliness:

Why Do Church Leaders Feel Lonely?

1. We often move to a new location we’ve never been to because of God’s assignment.

This is something Kristi and I dealt with as we stepped into our first ministry assignment.

We were both raised in the state of Arkansas and now found ourselves living in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio.

Talk about a culture shock!

I can even remember confessing to our Lead Pastor that we felt like we had missed God’s will, and wanted to return home.

He graciously mentored us on how it takes time to adjust to different places.

He was right, and it took a solid four months for us to feel like we belonged.

Any church leader who has shared a similar story as ours can relate to feelings of loneliness as God’s assignment moves you to an unfamiliar place.

2. We don’t have anyone we can trust with our struggles.

Ministry can be a very vulnerable occupation.

We feel like we’re living in a “glass fishbowl” most days, and if we show any sign of weakness, someone will see and judge us.

So, we walk around inwardly watching our every move to be the “leaders” others think we should be.

Why?

Because the church is known for “killing its wounded”; especially its leaders.

With this in mind, many church leaders don’t have anyone around them who they can be real with.

This is why loneliness hits so many of us as we don’t feel like we can ask for help until it’s too late.

3. We are not comfortable with being the ones that asked for help.

As church leaders, we are used to serving, helping, and praying for others.

And that’s not a bad thing since it is exactly what God has called us to do. (wash other’s feet)

But this one hit home with me as I found myself in the hospital last year.

There I was having to stay overnight for observation, when one of my parishioners walked in to encourage me.

I should have been overjoyed that they would think of me, right?

Yes, I was grateful for their encouragement, but another feeling started welling up within me: Discomfort.

I had visited hundreds of people in hospitals over the years, but now the roles had changed, and I felt uncomfortable and out of my comfort zone.

Any church leader who has walked in my shoes can attest it is uncomfortable to be the one who asks for help.

Our call has put us in the serving position so much, that we are a “fish out of water” when we are the ones in need.

If you feel like you can identify with one or more of these reasons, here are some ways that can help:

How To Deal With Loneliness In Ministry?

1. Recognize it is normal to have feelings of loneliness in ministry.

As a church leader, you are not exempt from normal human emotions.

This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, but that your emotions are trying to tell you something.

Instead of running away from the feelings of loneliness, lean into them to see why you’re feeling this way.

Your emotions were made by God to protect, warn, and help you.

So, with His help, start examining why you’re feeling this way.

2. Remember you’re a child of God.

With all the serving of others, you may have forgotten that you are a child of God; not just a church leader.

Take some time away from all the noise, and get alone with your Heavenly Father.

I’ve found that when I’m at my lowest and broken, if I bring it to Him, God is always there to hold me through the storm.

As you get busy with ministry, don’t forget you are a child of God first and foremost, and He is there to help.

3. Find your tribe.

One of the best ways to deal with loneliness is to find others that you can connect with.

This could be other church leaders in your area, someone who enjoys the same hobbies, or a mentor you can call when needing advice.

I have to confess, this is something I struggle with as a “secret introvert”.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to be around others, but it’s hard for me to open up and be vulnerable about myself.

My comfort zone is to go it alone and figure it out.

With knowing this, my dear wife talked me into being more proactive in finding others to be in my tribe.

In agreeing to take her advise, I reached out to a couple of other pastors in my area and never looked back.

It’s been worth putting myself out there to have friends I can ask advice from and share in my experiences.

4. If needed, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.

Many church leaders feel they are beyond needing to ask for professional help.

I mean, we serve God, right? We are exempt from that stuff.

Don’t believe that lie.

The evidence of this has been shown in the last few years as different leaders have taken their own lives.

If you just can’t seem to shake the feelings of loneliness, reach out to a professional for help.

If you want to keep it private, make an appointment with someone in the next town over.

You will be glad you did.

Call to Action:

The fact is more and more church leaders are dealing with loneliness.

If you’re one of them, know that you’re normal, remember you’re a child of God, be proactive in finding your tribe, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you need it.

Also, know that I am cheering you on!

What Do You Think:

What about you? 

Do you have another tip not mentioned? 

Feel free to share in the comments section below!