Does Your Team Think You’re A Jerk?

Have you ever made a team member cry?

I have.

As I remember, we were all sitting in my living room for our first youth leader meeting.

I began discussing how each of us should set an example for our teens by attending Sunday school each week.

When I was done, my poor secretary started explaining how she was feeling overwhelmed and didn’t think she could add one more thing to her plate.

With all the “shallow wisdom” I could muster, I demanded she had to be there.

At this, she started crying in front of the whole team; who were now all looking at me.

Talk about being a first-class JERK!

This story still makes my heart ache. 

How could I have been so insensitive?

Thankfully, after decades of ministry, I have changed how I treat my team. 

If you find yourself wondering if your team thinks you’re a JERK … Here are two things to consider:

1. Do You Bring Your Emotions With You To Work?  

We are all human and carry emotions throughout the day that have nothing to do with our team.

You and your spouse got into an argument right before you left for the office …

Your kid forgot to move their bike from the driveway again, and you backed over it …

That crazy driver kept honking at the red light because you didn’t move fast enough …

If we’re not careful, all these emotions we’re carrying can be an explosion ready to ignite; and usually, it’s at the team we work with.

There’s no better reason for your team to see you as a JERK than blowing up at them for some unknown reason.

If you deal with this, try to take five minutes in your vehicle before you walk into the office to breathe and calm down.

These five minutes will remind you to leave your emotions at the door.

2. Do You Always Think Of The Outcome, Instead Of The People?

As I think back at that meeting, I now realize how stiff and rigid I was with my team.

I was so focused on the outcome; that I forgot that I was dealing with people.

Most of the team that was sitting there were volunteers who had families and jobs outside the church.

To me, as a full-time pastor, the church was my entire focus; but to them, it was just one role of the many they held.

I’ve seen so many pastors get caught up in this trap of thinking the whole world is centered around their ministry, and get angry when their team doesn’t feel the same.

Like me, have you gotten so focused on the outcome of a project, that you forgot that your team is made up of real people?

So many of us are thinking of the outcome, that we forget the people God has given us for the journey.

If you deal with this, try intentionally walking around the office today and asking about your team’s day, family, and hobbies.

This will naturally turn your focus to the people God has blessed you with, instead of the projects you are working on.

Call to Action

After coming to the hard conclusion that I had been a JERK, I knew I would need to change if I was going to keep the team God had given me.

I can’t say that change happened overnight; it took many years, but I remember apologizing a lot along the way.

If this article seems to hit too close to home, learn from my mistakes and alter your behavior before your team jumps ship for good.

What Do You Think?

What about you? 

Do you have another tip I didn’t mention? 

Feel free to share in the comments section below!