3 Ways To Keep A Balance Between Family And Ministry

We’ve all heard the statement, “God first, Family second, and Ministry third”.

But let’s be real for a moment.

This statement is easier said than done for most church leaders.

Here are a few mistakes yours truly has made in the past:

Staying late at the office to finish up a project … when I should have gone home.

Studying while my kids beg for my attention … and getting angry with them for being a distraction.

Checking my emails during family movie night … instead of living in the moment.

Getting up from the dinner table to answer my phone … when it could have waited.

If we’re real with each other, ministry can be one of the biggest things that divides a family.

If you’re like me and have experienced this in your family, know there is a balance we can keep if we’re ready to be a little more intentional.

Here are 3 ways to keep a balance between family and ministry:

1. Always Leave On Time

Growing up I can remember what time dinner was. 

4:08 pm exactly.

Why 4:08?

Because my grandmother would have dinner waiting on the table when my grandfather got home from work at 4:08 pm each day.

Every day, without fail, I could set my clock in expectation for his arrival.

No matter how his day had gone, he always opened the back door at 4:08 pm.

I was reminded of this a few years ago while interviewing a pastor of a large church in Dayton, Ohio.

During that interview, I can remember asking him this question: “How do you keep your family and ministry life balanced?

He gave me an answer I wasn’t expecting but grew up knowing.

He said, “Dave, I always tried to leave on time”.

No matter what he was working on when it was time to go home, he put things down until the next day.

Nothing was so important that it made him late to see his family.

You can bet, just like me, his family remembers they could set their clocks to husband and dad arriving home.

The truth is all of us have a million things on our to-do list.

But here is a secret our to-do list won’t tell us: “When we finally check off the last item, new items will always magically appear.

Why not leave on time and let them wait for you until tomorrow?

2. Always Finish Your Call Before You Walk In The Door

Like most church leaders, my iPhone is never far away.

It can start ringing at any moment as someone needs their pastor.

Time and time again I’ve found myself still on the phone while walking through my back door at the end of the day.

As my kids would give me “leg hugs” and yell, “Daddy’s home!”, I would try to get them to calm down until I was finished with my call. 

A couple of years ago, as I ran through this routine once again, my wife asked me for something that forever changed the way I came home.

She simply asked me to not come in the door until I had finished my phone call.

(Rocket science, I know … but She. Is. A. Genius.)

I began to realize my family waited in expectation for me to get home each day.

It was one of the highlights of their day, and I took the air out of their sails every time I walked in with my phone attached to my ear.

The statement I was making, without even saying a word, was “My ministry was more important than my family”.

Since that day, I have sat in my driveway more than once while I finished a phone call before I walked in.

Now, I can’t wait to walk through the door and be overwhelmed with hugs and kisses. (even the dog tackles me!)

It has become one of the best parts of my day, and I wouldn’t trade a “million ministry calls” for it.

3. “Jail The Phone” While At The Dinner Table

Like many of you, I have a spouse who loves to go shopping.

T.J. Max is one of her favorite stores, and I find myself always walking toward that “electronics, men’s cologne, socks, ties, and everything else” section to have something to do while she shops.

Husbands … you know the one.

On one of these occasions as I searched through five beard trimmers, twenty bottles of cologne, and hundreds of socks; I saw something that caught my attention.

It was a “jail cell for phones”.

It was a lockbox for cell phones that needed to be incarcerated!

What a genius idea!

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I think my church people know exactly the moment my family sits down to eat dinner.

Without fail, my phone will ring, ding, or chirp the moment we sit down.

More than once, I have to confess I’ve interrupted dinner time to run to the next room to check my phone.

My family is paused in limbo as they wait for me to come back and finish our conversation.

Mostly, to my shame, it’s something that can wait until after dinner time to reply to.

But, do I wait … NO.

I think all church leaders need to purchase a “cell phone jail cell” to put their devices in during dinner.

The dinner table should be where families connect, grow, and build strong bonds that will last.

It should be where our spouse and kids can share with us about their day without fearing we will need to step away any second to check on our ministry.

Sometimes, our phones need to be put in incarceration. 

Call to Action

As church leaders, we all struggle with balance from time to time.

Join me in admitting your faults, closing your laptop, powering down your phone, and going to spend some much-needed time with your family.

It may become the highlight of your day.

What Do You Think?

What about you? 

Do you have another tip on how to bring balance to family and ministry?

Feel free to share in the comments section below!